Hi, I am Elena Semenek. I am a psychologist. Many people come to me because they want to solve their relationship problems. Some people want to solve their marriage problems, others relationships with their kids. Some have generational conflicts and some people come to me because they don’t have any relationships. They are lonely and they don’t know what to do.
Today, I would like to talk about self-worth in relationships. It doesn’t matter what type of relationship you want to heal, the most important thing that I want you to focus on is your feeling of self-worth in a relationship. Today’s video will be about you being loved, appreciated, and valued.
Just for a second, focus on the phrase “Self-Worth in Relationships”. Close your eyes and imagine the letters in front of you. Which word, in your opinion, is the most important in this phrase?
The answer is – the first word. The word “SELF”. People often complain about their toxic parents or their partners who don’t support them or value them. People complain about their work and their selfish bosses. And they have the full right to complain.
I am not defending your toxic partner or your ego-centric mother. But the truth is – you cannot change them. They are who they are. I want you to focus on yourself. That’s why the word “SELF” is the most important. You can not change the other person, but you can change how you feel in the relationship with them.
Therefore, let’s shift our focus from other people’s negative qualities to our own perception of ourselves. Let’s start with the question – What is Self-Worth?
What is Self-Worth?
Self-worth is the internal feeling that “I’m good enough and I’m worthy of love”. Self-worth is defined as an inner state of being that comes from self-understanding, and fully accepting yourself for who you are. It simply means that you accept yourself despite your flaws, imperfections, and weaknesses.
And now it is time for the cold truth that you’ve probably heard millions of times but refused to accept. You must be the first person who will love, respect, and value yourself before other people will do it.
When you were a baby, this was your parents’ responsibility. Your parents were supposed to give you a positive perception of yourself. It was their task to teach you to treat yourself as an incredible, amazing, and loving person. But If you can’t apply these words towards yourself, then probably your parents didn’t do their job good enough.
The truth is, we all have flaws. Our parents are no exception. If you are a parent, you know that parenting can be very challenging. So, let’s stop blaming our parents for what they didn’t do, but focus on the positive things that they did do for us. And if anything is missing, we are big enough to get it ourselves. Let’s be responsible for our own happiness.
If we are not happy about the way we are treated in a relationship, then let’s do something about it. Even in a toxic relationship where you think that there is nothing you can do, remember there are always two people in a relationship. If a person treats you badly, then you are allowing them to do it. Maybe it’s time to stop this.
Now let’s get to our topic of feelings of self-worth. The reason that people stay in a toxic relationship or allow others to disrespect them is because they are afraid of being rejected. Rejection is one of the hardest things to overcome in life. We are afraid that we’ll be left alone. When we are alone, we feel weak, we feel unnoticed, unimportant, and un-valued.
The feeling of prolonged loneliness can paralyze us. That’s why many people choose toxic relationships instead of being alone.
Here is your mental conflict. In order to feel worthy in a relationship, you have to say “NO” to things that you don’t like. But saying “NO” and going against the other person’s desires will destroy this relationship. As a result, the other person might reject and leave you. And then you will feel lonely and devastated. So, it makes you stay in your relationship and allow the other person to disrespect and ignore your feelings.
Here we come to the next important point – How to build self-worth in relationships.
How to Build Self-Worth in Relationships
It sounds like a cliché, but you have to start with yourself. You should start saying “NO” to the things that you don’t like. You should start talking about your interests and your wishes. And, you should be ready to defend your opinions. You should accept the idea that at some point the other person might reject your opinion and you might feel lonely and misunderstood.
You might face the pain of people you love leaving you. If these people truly love you, they will have to treat you differently. But if they are not capable of having a healthy relationship, you will have to decide between:
a) allowing them to keep treating you disrespectfully or
b) saying goodbye to them.
This is the only way you can feel worthy in a relationship. You need to start with self-love and self-respect.
On this note, I would like to invite you to join the “Happiness Club” that I created for people just like you who want to heal their relationships, feel respected, valued, loved, and truly enjoy their journey called life.
It will take you only a few seconds to join the “Happiness Club”. You will have instant access to my entire healing database which includes guided meditations, self-development webinars, life-coaching exercises, art therapy and much more.
Here is the link: https://elenasemenek.com/happiness
If this article was helpful, share it with your friends and family. I would really appreciate it. Feel free to share your story and write your questions in the comments. I will be happy to share my professional opinion with you.
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