We are taught that we should listen to other people from our childhood. All of us are familiar with these phrases:
- You should listen to your mommy.
- Will your mom allow it?
- Did you ask your father about it?
- What did your teacher say?
We are raised with an idea that we must listen to what other people think. Even if we don’t ask these questions verbally, mentally we know what other people expect from us. We live in a state of subconscious fear of being judged or rejected if we do something different.
Today, I will share with you 5 reasons why you should NOT listen to others.
Why You Should Not Listen To Others Reason #1
If you listen to others, you are likely to follow their values and dreams.
Whether you want it or not, you will copy other people’s limiting beliefs. You will copy their fears and their anxieties.
Example: Let’s say you have a friend who was in a toxic relationship. Now, she doesn’t trust men. Let’s say you’ve met a guy. You like him and he likes you. It is Friday night and he tells you that he has to finish some paperwork and has to stay overtime at his workplace. You share this information with your friend. Immediately she puts a seed of doubt in your head that he is a lier and probably he is going out with somebody else.
You value your friend. You know her for years. You know she wants the best for you. Even if you disagree with her suspicion, she has already planted a bad seed in your head.
You call your boyfriend. He might not pick up the phone right away, because he is busy with the paperwork. Now the seed of suspicion is growing in your head. By the time you talk to your boyfriend, you are already emotional. He feels judged and misunderstood.
You might say, what if your friend is right. It is possible. Your friend might be right or might be wrong. The most important thing here is that the more you listen to your friend, the more fears and anxieties you are going to copy from her.
My advice is, before asking your friend for her opinion, maybe you can talk to your boyfriend first and let him know how you feel being alone on Friday night. Maybe your boyfriend would reply that he will try to finish his work as soon as possible and hopefully, you will still have time to hang out.
Why You Should Not Listen To Others Reason #2
When you listen to others you hurt your self-esteem.
Every person is unique. We all have our own values and our own priorities in life. If you listen to another person, sooner or later, you will face the fact that your friend or spouse has a different opinion. You might start questioning yourself. What if you are wrong and your best friend is right.
By comparing your opinion to others, especially if the other person is someone important to you, like your parent, your spouse, or your best friend, you are likely to lean towards their opinions and devalue your own.
The more advice you ask, the less confidence you feel in making your own decisions. This might significantly hurt your self-confidence and self-esteem.
Why You Should Not Listen To Others Reason #3
If you keep listening to others, the chance that you will achieve your goal is very very little.
I came to the United States of America about 15 years ago. I met a guy online. We were talking for 6 months. It was a long-distance relationship. He called me almost every single day. So, one day we decided to meet in person. I came to the United States. I received a six-month visa. We started dating and we didn’t want to break up. So, I stayed back.
At that time, my English was extremely poor. One day, I watched a movie about a great motivational speaker who helped a lot of people. And I felt that this is exactly what I want to do in my life. At that time, I already had my psychology degree and I was in love with human psychology. I shared my deepest dream with my boyfriend.
He laughed at me. He said that I can barely speak English. I don’t know the American mentality and that nobody would listen to me.
At that time, he was my only friend and lover, and, although it was very painful to hear his opinion, I came to the conclusion that he was probably right. He had been living in this country since his childhood, he went to school here, and he was running a family and a personal business in America for several years at that time. I had to admit that he was right and my idea was unrealistic.
Instead of following my own dream, I was helping my boyfriend promote his business. He had a martial arts studio, where he was the boss, he was the teacher, and where he was following his dream.
Only 10 years later, when I divorce him and met my current husband, I realized that I lost 10 years of my life following another person’s dream. Only 10 years later, I was able to get back to my dream, my passion, and my desire to help other people and become a motivational speaker, a life coach, and a therapist.
I don’t want you to repeat my mistake and put aside your dreams and your goals. Even if it looks like the other person knows what he is talking about, you should not listen to them. Never give up on your dream. Instead surround yourself with people who support you, who can cheer you on, and who can guide you and help you on your way to success.
Why You Should Not Listen To Others Reason #4
Listening to others means seeking someone else’s approval.
Ask yourself – do you really need your best friend’s approval? Do you really need your spouse’s approval?
Before asking another person for advice or sharing your story with another person, ask yourself if you think that this person will support you. Be honest with yourself. If there is a chance that this person will criticize you, it’s best to not share your idea with them.
It is ok to ask for help. I actually encourage many of my clients to ask and accept other people’s help. But be careful when you pick an adviser. If you need business advice, ask a person who succeeded in business. If you need relationship advice, ask a person who is happy in their relationship. If you need advice on how to overcome a difficult situation, ask a person who had a tough experience in their life and was able to manage it successfully.
Surround yourself with kind, honest and positive people. Limit your communication with toxic people who like to judge, or force you to take their side. It might be painful to say “good buy” to some people in your life. But if your relationship doesn’t make you feel good, then why do you want to hold on to it?
Why You Should Not Listen To Others Reason #5
And finally, reason #5 why you should NOT listen to others is – in order to be successful in life whether it is a career, a loving relationship, or following your dream, you have to learn how to take risks and be responsible for you own decisions.
This is a vital skill to achieve your goals and manifests any of your dreams. If you listen to others, if you follow other people’s ideas, other people’s priorities, other people’s values, it will be impossible for you to create the life that you truly want for yourself.
Let’s summarise,
5 Reasons Why You Should Not Listen To Others
1. If you listen to others, you are likely to follow their values, and their dreams and sacrifice your own desires.
2. When you listen to others you hurt your self-esteem because you place another person’s opinion above your own.
3. If you keep listening to others, the chance that you will achieve your goal is very very little.
4. Listening to others means seeking someone else’s approval.
5. In order to be successful in life, you need to take risks, make mistakes and be responsible for your own decisions. No one can tell you how to live your life. You are the boss here. Your happiness is in your hands.
And here is the video:
