Amy asks:
My significant other of four years broke up with me. Recently he reached out to me because his life is a mess. Some background information about when we first got together: He was quite the alcoholic, he made a promise to no longer drink, but he would always go back to it. It was one of the biggest problems in our relationship. He also recently had to go through chemotherapy for six months, i was there every step of the way and encouraged him. He’s smoking again, and his mental health is deteriorating. He also engages in random sexual escapades. His behavior is very dangerous. He reached out to me and stated that it was the worst mistake he ever made to leave me and that he needed me. He led me to believe he was actually wanting to change but afterward, he said that he didn’t want a relationship. I do love him very very much. I do want to have a relationship with him, but I can’t allow him to only want me and use me when it’s convenient for him. What should I do? How can I convince him to seek help for his negative behaviors when he has made it clear that he doesn’t want to see any form of a counselor. Any advice?
Hello Amy,
Thank you for sharing your story. My advice to you is to consider weekly therapy sessions where you can talk about your feelings and find the solution in the situation with your boyfriend. What you describe can be traced to your childhood trauma. You are trying to save your boyfriend, but in reality, you are replaying a family scenario.
You call it “love”, but the relationship that you are describing is toxic. You are giving a lot and gain almost nothing in return. Unfortunately, this relationship has no future.
Every time you are trying to help your man, he is breaking your trust. He doesn’t value you, but rather is using you as his “savior”. He doesn’t want to take responsibility for his life. He is putting it on your shoulders. You are not his mother, and he is an adult man.
You deserve to be loved, deserve to be treated as a woman. You deserve to be with a man, who will value you and love you truly. Because you are so emotionally attached to him, you need a therapist/psychologist/mentor who can help you to grow from this relationship.
You need a person who will support you, who will teach you to love yourself, to respect yourself, to build healthy relationships. It will take time. It is not easy, but it is possible. Right now, you are stuck in this toxic detrimental relationship and your psychological trauma is only growing bigger. I will be happy to help you.
If you are interested in private sessions, you can find all the details here: https://elenasemenek.com/eng/private/
If you have any additional questions regarding online sessions, please feel free to ask.
