Miss B. writes to me:
I experienced mental, physical, and sexual abuse from my mother’s side of the family (grandparent was the abuser). My mother died after giving birth to my brother, at the age of 33. We stayed with my mother’s family since that time. The abuse was continuously repeated until 2001.
I was also abused by my boss… I feel stuck in the mud. I can no longer continuing living in abuse. I do not know what to do or where to start. My priority is to find a job and see you privately. For now, I continue watching your free webinars. Please recommend which one I should watch. Thank you for your help.
Thank you, Miss B., for sharing your story, trusting me and seeking my advice. I don’t have a free webinar specifically for the topic of family abuse, but I recommend watching the webinar called “Resentment Towards Parents”. This might give you some answers.
When a child loses their mother, they can feel like they have been betrayed. We cannot control death and being an adult, we understand that it was not our mom’s fault that she died. But for a child the death of a parent is the deepest version of betrayal. She left you, she was not able to protect you, and she is no longer there to support you.
You did not write anything about your father, and you said that you were raised by your grandparents. Therefore, I am assuming that he was not present in your life either. Probably, you have lots of resentment and hidden anger towards your father as well. He is your father and it was his responsibility to protect you, but he failed.
So, you were a child and you lost both of your parents’ protection. The people who were supposed to take care of you were your grandparents. But instead of being shown love and care, you were sexually abused by your grandparent. The other grandparent also failed to protect you.
You were living with constant betrayal and you were able to survive through this painful childhood. When I was reading your email, I felt you pain and your inner strength at the same time. You have to have a strong soul to survive this repeated betrayal and abuse.
Often victims of abuse end up in other abusive relationships, whether at work or in a romantic relationship. Your psyche is looking for closure. It will sound strange and you might not agree with me, but your psyche is trying to recreate the abusive situation from your childhood in order to find the different outcome, the different ending for the abusive story.
You need to learn how to say “No”. You need to learn how to see the abusive behavior, so you will not get abused again. This is why you are subconsciously attracted to abusers in your life. You are looking for closure, for a new outcome.
If you don’t learn how to protect yourself, if you don’t learn how to notice abusive behavior, you might stay stuck in this painful cycle. Abusers can spot a person with a victim behavior and will be drawn to you.
Please, watch 2 of my free webinars:
Also, try to find a support group for people who were raised in an abusive family. Usually, these groups are free. Start working on yourself. Find people who also went through this type of pain. Support groups can be very beneficial. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
And of course, when you have an opportunity to work with a therapist one on one, do it.
Again, thank you very much for sharing your story and for trusting me.
Thanks for reading,
Until next time. Bye.