Rohit writes to me:
Hello. I am Rohit. I have OCD. I am generally a self-aware person but if I get attached to anyone it’s so difficult for me to focus on my own priorities. I met a friend. He was an ideal person. However, I later found out that he is into smoking and cannabis. I did my best to stop him. He sometimes showed a positive response but I know he’ll return back to the smoking. I just want to be emotionally free from him. He is an adult and free to live his life the way he wants. I am not able to concentrate on my own life because of my attachment to him. I think my feelings are more than just a friendship. But whatever it is I want to free myself from those feelings. Please help me out.
Thank you for your email. I recommend you to start personal therapy. OCD is often related to childhood trauma that occured between 2-3 years old. The desire to find an ideal person (a friend or a romantic partner) usually represents the desire to be “perfect” yourself. I can assume that this desire is someway related to your relationships with your father or mother. Of course, this is only my assumption, I need to know more about your life to provide my professional advice. I personally used to be very critical toward myself and others. I understand how you feel and how difficult this must be for you. You are right that we cannot change others, but we can change ourselves and learn how to deal with the situation. When we get emotionally attached to another person, it can be extremely painful to accept their views and values when they don’t align with our own. I will be happy to work with you. Here you can find the information about my online private sessions: https://elenasemenek.com/eng/private/
I also recommend that you watch my free webinar about “Healthy Boundaries and Why We Can’t Say No“. Here is the video: